First Huntman experience

In order to get him admitted into Huntman we had to take him to the University Of Utah's Emergency room. They kept us over night in the 'observation' room & tried to control his pain. It was very hard getting him into Huntsman, even though we had the scan results in hand. We had an angel, Susan I believe was her name, that got us in. We had never met her, but she was the reason we were transfered. While we were walking over to Huntsman, from the U of U I started to have a panic attack of some sort. I couldn't feel my legs very well and got very light headed, and dizzy. The nurse had to stop wheeling Rich, and come over to me. I felt awful. I just kept telling him I was fine, and to go tend to my husband. I hated seeing him sit in that wheelchair starring over at me with concern. This wasn't about me! I was there to help him! Another nurse was walking by, and Richs' nurse stopped him and had him walk with me. I believe that was suppose to happen. This was the second angel, and first lesson of many in this journey. I just remember him all in white, I can't even picture his face. He said things to me that stuck. I need to take care of me. I need to have faith. I need to understand that no matter my faith (as he was not religious at all) I needed to believe in miracles. He sees them everyday! He walked me to Richs' room, where Rich was already in bed. He looked good. He was upbeat. The nursing staff came in and answered a bunch of questions that he had. I tried to tune it out, as I was still trying to 'recover' from my panic attack. I heard bits and pieces. No surgery wasn't an option, since it had spread.  It was stage 4. Any cancer that has spread from one organ to another is considered stage 4. When the nurses left, Rich got out of bed and walked over to me. He said, with his finger pointed at me, "You have to pull it together. This is our reality now. You can't be having panic attacks." I wanted to kick him in his knee, but figured he was in enough pain. Of course I needed to pull it together, and I actually felt like I had been doing a good job. I didn't cry. I didn't fall apart. He told me we wouldn't, and I didn't. I got my strength from him. But walking from the one hospital to the other was a huge reality and it set me back a little. I did pull it together.  We layed around the 4 days we were there, almost in a dream. It was nice to be away from everyone and everything while we fully grasped how life was going to be for awhile.

We just layed. talked. slept. etc. He had a few vistiors. They did a biopsy. They also did this thing where they go in through his back (spine area) and bundle & burn his nerves, to help with the pain. I can't remember now exactly what this procedure was, or what it was called. Funny how easily the brain forgets.  Anyway, it did help reduce his pain. While we were there, my brother in law Brian came to visit. He was telling me a story about me. He was sharing with a friend what Rich and I were going through. He mentioned that I was the type that didn't accept help from others. I would say, I am fine. . even if I could have used a hand. It went something like, she could be on fire and say, no thanks, I am good. This got me thinking. He was right! The nurse wanted me to sit during my panic attack, I replied with, oh no, I am fine. Let's keep walking. Many other examples went through my head. A little while later he offered me a $50 gift card, to help pay for my meals for the week. Of course I declined~ and then~ it hit me. I have to learn to just say, THANKYOU! I could not do this on my own anymore. Heavenly Father was going to put people into my life that would be willing to help, but I had to be willing to say Thankyou, and not NO thankyou. I am grateful for this lesson, as it has helped me soooo much! I have said thankyou to MANY friends, strangers, and family! <3  Although everyone there was very nice, and caring we were happy to get back home.

  Telling our kids was hard. Keaton is more private, like me. He asked a few questions, stayed very postitve and that was that. Averi held her daddy, and cried her eyes out, until she was asleep. It is such a hard reality for grown~ups to grasp and live, I can't imagine being a child and hearing the words, daddy has cancer.  I do believe that as a whole, our family has kept a very postitive attitude and we are all better for it. We try to keep the cancer talk to a minimum. However, both kids know that they can come to us at ANY time with ANY questions or concerns they have.

  Rich and I decided not to google any of our questions. If we have them, we will ask the doctor. Some people offered their knowledge, and shared personal stories. Although I didn't like it much because It was hard for me, I appreciated the thought and meaning behind it. People care.

 Rich decided to shave off his hair prior to chemo, he wasn't letting cancer take it away. He would do it, on HIS terms. Ashely shaved it. He looks sexy bald!

 Rich began his chemo rounds shortly after the diagnosis. The first chemo round we had NO idea what to expect. We went in together praying that we would both be strong enough for what this would do to him, and we prayed even harder for it to work. When we got to Hunstman he had labs taken. Then a dr appointment. Then we went upstairs for chemo. This would take place every chemo after as well. When we got upstairs to infusion, it was sad. So many people sitting in these chairs as poison was put into their bodies, all to help save them from this evil disease. Rich had his awesome chemo blanket our cousin had made, and an IPAD she had given. We sat, while the IV's ran. He slept. We watched TV. We prayed. We ate lunch. Things weren't as bad as we had pictured... really. We had about 30 minutes left of the drip and he started getting very hot, and bad belly pains. He thought maybe he just need to use the restroom. It kept getting worse. Then his tongue began to thicken (at least it felt like it for him) and he couldn't swallow. Everyone was on a panic mode. He weas obvioulsy having a bad reaction to one of the drugs. REALLY?!?! They sent us to the U of U for a slumber. He was OK. It was an allergic reaction to one of the drugs. It was scary! I handled it better than I would have thought. So did he. He really is a very strong man!