Scan results

 This morning I was able to join the hub at Huntsman, we are here now. It felt a little weird coming, as it's been two months since I've been here with him. His mom takes him because I teach when he has to be here, but this week is spring break for me.  We got here at nine, and both were pretty quiet. I am sure it was a mixure of prayers, anxiety, and just thoughts. The dr. came in and said, the scan is good! We both smiled, and Rich asked, " How good?" Turns out the tumors have not grown or shrunk, they consider this a stable reading and believe it is something to smile about. I am happy, and thrilled really. Rich is grateful, but frustrated. He would really like a clear scan, but who wouldn't. His attitude is full of hope, faith, and the belief that it will be gone soon, so hearing that it is still invading his body is frustrating and hard to swallow. I can't even begin to imagine. I know he is counting his blessings, and I know that he is aware of how bad it could have been,but wasn't.      So of course he is happy with the news, but at the moment these thoughts and feelings are dominating. I can't even begin to imagine. I hate seeing him frustrated and I know I can't offer any words to help, so I just sit.  I am smiling for his happy scan results, however. Yay for stable!!! 

    Since we have been Here they have taken labs, done an EKG, and now they are monitoring his heart rate or something. It's all pretty standard. I love how kind  is here, they make you feel comfortable, in a not so comforting place. 


 My iPad is tripping and making it difficult to write, so I'm done for now. Thanks to you all that are praying for my hub to fight through this, we appreciate every single prayer. Yay for stable scan results!!!!!! 

Saturday, March 23rd.

   Been a very busy 'soccer' day today. Lots of fun! I enjoy watching my kids play sports! While I was out on the field watching my daughter play, laugh, and enjoying the simplicity, a family laid their mom/wife to rest. Jennie's funeral was today and I can't help but cry for her, and her family. My heart is so sad for them. I can't imagine leaving this earth while my kids are still young, and need me. Her five Little's need her here... I can't imagine how they even begin to process this. As for her hubby, I don't even know what to say... The world lost an amazing lady, and I wasn't even in her everyday life. . Just the piece of friendship I had from her was valued. I actually looked up to her, her strength and courage was inspiring. I remember hearing her story, and comparing my story to hers at times. I remember thinking, Jennie can do it. She is raising her kids with lung cancer, I can raise mine while watching my husband endure pancreatic cancer. She reinforced in my mind, that we all really can do hard things. She looked healthy to me (when I saw her) and strong. That gave me hope in my own situation. I realized life can go on with cancer. A piece of me is feels as though that is gone now. Cancer took her. I cry knowing that cancer can take my husband too. No one knows how long we will have in this life, but being sick puts it in your face and makes me aware of mortality more and more everyday.Today Rich has been out of bed long enough to watch one out of four of Averi's soccer games. Not a great health day. I hate seeing him sick. HATE! ...............................

BUT then I remember... Jennie is with Heavenly Father, and she will forever guide her babies from heaven. I truly believe that. I believe that her family is broken, but will heal again. They have such strong faith, & that will pull them through. I believe they will be together again. I also believe that we have angels here on earth and I believe her family will be loved, supported, and will be OK. I also believe that my family will be OK too! I believe that my husband will fight with everything he has, and I have a very strong feeling that his cancer will go into remission. I believe that Heavenly Father knows our story, and is with us each day. When I let my frustration, or sadness creep in, I make sure it doesn't stay long. I am positive. I know how blessed we are. Today he is sick, but tomorrow will be better. I love his attitude. He speaks of retirement and where we are moving, (even though we aren't) and how he is going to go to Culinary school, etc. His attitude is WONDERFUL, and inspiring. I believe in taking one day at a time. I learned from him that we don't focus our lives around cancer. We live. We do. We can. We're not angry. We don't take moments for granted. When we do feel sadness, we let ourselves feel it, brush off our pants and go forward. Cancer is not the center of our home. It never will be.

Cancer can not invade the soul
suppress memories
kill friendship
destroy peace
conquer the spirit
shatter hope
cripple love
corrode faith
silence courage
or steal ETERNAL LIFE.

I love my husband and believe he will continue to fight his battle the best he can. I thank you for your prayers, love, and support. Life is hard, but life is good. We enjoy the simple blessing everyday, and count them one by one. We are truly a very, VERY blessed family. For those of you that have struggles, hang in there... You are not alone. Don't be angry at the hand you have been dealt, because some one out there has been dealt an even harder hand. Be grateful. Prayerful. Positive. I am.

MOM! Stop crying yourself to sleep at night. My family is strong, we laugh, play, and enjoy eachother. You need to focus on that! :) And next time put the scarf on Rich... haha! He isn't as tough as he pretends to be. You could take him!

Have some faith and some hope!

 We had to put Mylie down last month, still miss her. I guess that is life, right? No one gets out alive. Even our pets. It really is better to love, and feel loss, than to never have loved. Thanks My My, for being my true companion for nine years.

   The trial has gotten easier on Rich, turns out he was taking the wrong dose in the beginning. It really was awful to watch, he was so weak, and his belly was always churning. He had a rash that looked so incredibly painful. All symptoms are better now. :)

   Rich went back to work part time on March 4th. He is working at a desk and he is very happy to be back. Averi and I miss him when he is gone... and usually by the time he gets home he takes a nap. I think it has helped him emotionally to be at it again.

  We went to Las Vegas last weekend, it was fun. His health was great! We headed out on Friday afternoon with a stop in St. George. We had dinner with friends that we haven't seen in a few years. It was great catching up. Meanwhile, the kids (we brought 2 extra teens with us) went to a CrAzY concert. Afterwards we heading to Vegas. We were able to do something for everyone, and with Rich staying so healthy it was PERFECT! On Sunday we went to the Nascar race. I didn't get to take to many pics of my teen, as he was mainly with his friends. I think they had a good time, I hope so anyway. It was just nice being able to get away, all together. We headed back home on Monday. Tuesday Rich slept away most of the day, but I think he just needed to rest.

   This coming Wednesday while at Huntsman he will have a scan and the following Wednesday he will get the results. It is a little scary knowing that this is a trial and we have NO idea how his body is responding to it. I sure pray hard every morning and night that it it working. If nothing less that it is keeping the cancer NON active. He could live on this trial forever if he had to.... if it is working. Chemo is so damaging to the body that this would be wonderful. Time will tell.

  Keeping HoPe and FaiTh alive is very important in our everyday living. I believe that we are a very blessed family, with soo many reasons to give thanks! Please remember that whatever trial you and your family are facing... YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS.

   I just posted on a website that I needed a handy man to come over and do a few things for me. Someone replied with I WILL DO IT, FOR FREE! I don't even know this person, at ALL! It is people like that that continue to restore faith. I won't let them to do it for free, but am in awe of their willingness. People are amazing, and they are what can help you through any kind of hard situation. <3

  On Thursday Jennie Cross passed away. Such a SAD day, she was fighting lung cancer, stage 3. I  met her through Averi. She had a daughter in the same class as Averi last year. She was the funniest, sweetest lady, and had the BEST attitude about her cancer. She had a blog that I regret not following as I can only imagine how uplifting it was. I hope to be able to read it someday. I have a problem, a curse really. I can't seen to handle listening to the trials of others. This really limits my ability to pay it forward. :( I admire those with a full plate that continue to serve, smile, and hold on to faith and hope. She had five kids that will miss her dearly. Averi has had a hard time but seems to be doing much better now. Her and her friend could relate, having both parents with cancer. . The unimaginable has happened to her friend.  We will do something for Kaylee, and her family, when the time is right. I know that love and support is what will get them through... and of course having faith in Heavenly Father and that they will meet again.

  While writing this blog I had strangers show up to remove our tree. They will be back soon to fix the gate. They are young, giving, and so kind! I will make them take a check! :)

  That is all for now. Thanks for checking in. ~Christel