Pain

 Seems Rich has been experiencing most of his intense pain at night, when he lays down. We are beginning to think it may be an exposed nerve, or a pinched nerve. The cancer pain meds don't seem to even touch the pain, yet it always did before. Also, this pain is located more in the shoulder blade and neck area. I believe he will be getting into the dr soon to get it all figured out. :)

   Yesterday the Bishop and Stake President came over for about an hour long visit. It always feels good to be remembered, and to have such spiritual giants in your home. It was good. The Stake President told us that Elder Golding asks about us.... US.....  Last year we had the honor of welcoming him into our home, talk about a spiritual giant. He told us that this would not take Rich, yet it would teach us, and many around some life lessons. He did toss out a, "Heavenly Father can change his mind" though... But this statement brings my family much hope and reassurance that he will win this battle.

  Sometimes I feel guilty when I am up and 'doing'. I obviously run the errands, take Averi to Piano and Swat training, run summer camp (or preschool), grocery shop, etc. etc. Most of which he is home not feeling well. I feel like life around us (mostly him) keeps moving on, almost without him. It makes me sad.. He seems to do well with it, although sometimes I hear... " I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!"  It has been a blessing to have the opportunity for him to return to work. I think it is good for him to go outside of the home, see friends, and work. He has not been to work much this month because he can't get any sleep at night because of the pain. He has experienced a lot of fatigue also, even when he does get sleep.

  He told me yesterday that he does not believe this will take him, yet he isn't afraid to die. What he is afraid of is leaving us in a financial mess. Apparently once you go on long term disability your life insurance is taken away... SERIOUSLY!? That is a messed up system if you ask me. He has paid into that his entire working career but when he shows signs of maybe needing it, you take it? I don't care about the money because I KNOW that if anything were to happen to him we would be taken care of, with our without that life insurance. It doesn't seem fair, but it isn't something I want Rich to even think about, let alone worry about. I hate that money is even on his mind... he has a fight to fight. Life insurance can kiss it! :)  :)

  On that note, thanks for reading. Please know that we are doing well, we really are. Our house is probably much like yours. . NoRmAl. (((With a tad bit of cRaZy!))) 

New treatment

Rich and I went to see some type of Dr. I am not sure if he is an MD or not, but none the less, we went to see him. He was referred to us by someone we trust and respect. We discussed treatment with him. We got in the car and Rich looked as though he had some new found faith, extra hope and excitement about it. I on the other hand felt like it maybe sounded to good to be true. . but allowed myself to feel the excitement too. Huntsman gave Rich a 30% chance of responding, this guy gave Rich a 90% chance of responding to treatment. We talked about it some, and it was obvious what he wanted to do. A week later Rich was on his new treatment. This is an all natural way, filling his body with vitamins and herbs. If you want a little 101 on this, you can find it at www.genepic.com. It is a powder he puts in his water two times a day. It looks like poo, and smells like it as well. Apparently it doesn't taste any better than it looks. With this being all natural he has NO side affects from it. He does, however, live with side affects from cancer. This entire month has been a rough(er) one. He has had many nights filled with cancer pain, which makes for a sore and tiring day. The last couple of days have been good ones. :)  I am anxious for his scan because I feel like having the cancer pain could mean that the cancer is growing or spreading. It is scary to use an all natural treatment. It isn't that I don't agree with it, because I do. I think it is a great idea and I also believe that many people could  heal themselves of what ails them just by changing their diet. I just fear that maybe he should be attacking it with something else as well. I guess it is normal to want to attack it with everything possible. . I also think it is normal for him to want to steer clear from chemo if at all possible. Everything we do at this point is a gamble. That is where prayer comes in. :) 

I have had a harder time this month, not sure why. I am guessing it is because we are trusting someone new and not going to Huntsman, the trusted 'name'. Or maybe it is because the cancer pain is back. It has been so great having the faith I have had all year. I have been so positive.. but this month I have felt fear poke it's ugly head in. I do believe Heavenly Father listens to prayers, because I have prayed for comfort and to just be reinforced that we aren't alone. ((may I add that we have only been to church maybe 4 times in the last year, and only 1 of those times was in our ward)) Well, a few days ago I got a call from someone in our ward asking if the Stake President and Bishop could come visit us tomorrow.... 

Rich is selling his mistress! He can't ride on it comfortably and we could use the money for summer bills. :) Send people his way!