Pain

 Seems Rich has been experiencing most of his intense pain at night, when he lays down. We are beginning to think it may be an exposed nerve, or a pinched nerve. The cancer pain meds don't seem to even touch the pain, yet it always did before. Also, this pain is located more in the shoulder blade and neck area. I believe he will be getting into the dr soon to get it all figured out. :)

   Yesterday the Bishop and Stake President came over for about an hour long visit. It always feels good to be remembered, and to have such spiritual giants in your home. It was good. The Stake President told us that Elder Golding asks about us.... US.....  Last year we had the honor of welcoming him into our home, talk about a spiritual giant. He told us that this would not take Rich, yet it would teach us, and many around some life lessons. He did toss out a, "Heavenly Father can change his mind" though... But this statement brings my family much hope and reassurance that he will win this battle.

  Sometimes I feel guilty when I am up and 'doing'. I obviously run the errands, take Averi to Piano and Swat training, run summer camp (or preschool), grocery shop, etc. etc. Most of which he is home not feeling well. I feel like life around us (mostly him) keeps moving on, almost without him. It makes me sad.. He seems to do well with it, although sometimes I hear... " I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!"  It has been a blessing to have the opportunity for him to return to work. I think it is good for him to go outside of the home, see friends, and work. He has not been to work much this month because he can't get any sleep at night because of the pain. He has experienced a lot of fatigue also, even when he does get sleep.

  He told me yesterday that he does not believe this will take him, yet he isn't afraid to die. What he is afraid of is leaving us in a financial mess. Apparently once you go on long term disability your life insurance is taken away... SERIOUSLY!? That is a messed up system if you ask me. He has paid into that his entire working career but when he shows signs of maybe needing it, you take it? I don't care about the money because I KNOW that if anything were to happen to him we would be taken care of, with our without that life insurance. It doesn't seem fair, but it isn't something I want Rich to even think about, let alone worry about. I hate that money is even on his mind... he has a fight to fight. Life insurance can kiss it! :)  :)

  On that note, thanks for reading. Please know that we are doing well, we really are. Our house is probably much like yours. . NoRmAl. (((With a tad bit of cRaZy!)))