So much going on inside my little brain lately. I believe our life is good. I really do. I believe we are blessed beyond measure. I could fill up a pool with tiny papers with all our blessings written inside .For that I am beyond grateful, and I make sure to focus on this every day, and every night. With that all said, and with it all being true, I am ready to kick cancer's ass for him! I am aware that if it was not this trial, it would be another. We are all down here experiencing trials, one after another usually. This is why it is so important to focus on all of the blessings and love we do have, otherwise our trials can consume us and take right over. By stressing, throwing fits, being angry, etc it will only change your life in a negative way. It will not get rid of your trial, it will only make it harder for you to face. So many people focus on the negative. I am happy that naturally I do not do that. With all this being said, I am still so ready to murder cancer in it's face. I hate it, is an understatement. It has certainly been taking it's toll on my family. It has been 14 long months since the diagnosis. Such a long time to be fighting, such a long time to be sick. However, I know It could be worse. He knows it could be worse. That sentence sure does bring comfort, but it doesn't mean it isn't hard. It is hard watching the man you love struggle through this disease. It is hard watching him hurt so bad and there is nothing you can do. It is hard seeing him lay in bed and missing out on everyday living. It is hard watching him be denied his favorite foods. It is hard seeing life around him go on like usual. It is hard seeing the pain in his face. It is hard not being able to open up to each other because we need to be strong for each other. It is hard! Did I mention it is hard? One of the hardest things is when I see the guilt he has for being sick. I hate for him to feel like he is holding us back, slowing us down, or letting us down. He is doing NONE of that!! We all know what he would rather be doing than fighting cancer, but his calling right now is to fight it. So, that is what we want him to do. He is teaching us many lessons while he does this also. His attitude has been so strong, he makes me so proud of him. I could not fight as hard as he does. He has been having a harder time mentally, which has got to be normal. He has been strong for so long. I think he needs to have a big I HATE CANCER party, and get it ALL out. . It will only refill his cup and help him be ready to continue the fight. How do I throw an I HATE CANCER party? I want to do it! .....Heidi? :) I am in a mood! Last week Rich got on the scale and he is at his all time low, 158 pounds. When I heard this I cried. That is way too low! It made me feel like he is getting sicker. Luckily, this passed. Later that evening I realized it isn't that he is getting sicker, or even weaker. He is being denied so much food and he (we) haven't found that healthy balance of foods he can eat. Plus, a lot of days he has spent in bed and doesn't wake up to eat. I am going to pull the NURSE card a little more and make him eat. :) Breakfast in bed, who doesn't love that. Yesterday I sent Averi up with Tuna and wheat chips. He woke up, and ate. :) I will get him fat!! The 4th of July was a nice one. H e did not have much strength or energy but we went to his friends annual BBQ. It was awesome to watch them dedicate it to another family fighting a similar battle. Breast Cancer. You may remember me writing about the BBQ last year where his friends made him feel so loved, and supported. I know the love this family had to be feeling. They take the rib contest pretty serious there, it is great to watch. On one of the canopies said T Bone Strong. :) It is those things that stay with both of us during our trials. :) We didn't stay too long, but it was nice to get out together and for him to see some familiar faces. Later that night we watched fire works with my neighbor, and my niece. You can see Riverdale Fire Works from our yard, and from a little pond area a block or so away. We went there, and watched. It was fun.. Then yesterday Rich had a GREAT day, I was so happy. He has had a harder 6 weeks and he really needed a normal feeling day. He went with me to get Keaton's Happy BiRtHdAy present, and then we went to Wal Mart and Sams. He did great! He followed Averi in the car while she ran a mile and a half. It was cute, he was being her little trainer. She has to do it for soccer. A few years back when he was running she would follow him on her bike and chant out, You gotta want it loverboy (haha) and a few other things. He returned the favor last night. Pretty silly. Then he was graced with a night from hell. His pain kicked in around 11 and went STRONG all night long. He took his muscle relaxer, pain meds, muscle rub, ice packs, etc. Nothing worked. He was so tired. I hate nights like that. The pain hits when he is trying to lay down and sleep. Makes me wonder if we should invest in a nice recliner. I will do anything to help him get some pain relief. It is awful. :( Today is a NEW day, and for that we are grateful! Even if I am whining about our trials. (PS, my enter is broken on my laptop so I hope you enjoyed my long paragraph) Have a great day! And please know that even though this trial is hard for my family we are doing well. We are aware of our blessings and count them everyday. We are excited for Keaton's happy 18th birthday tomorrow, and Averi's 11th in a few weeks. Our kids are our world. We are grateful for their health and humor. They can make our hard days, better days. They are hanging in there as well. They keep busy like normal kids. ....They worry, but understand. We all carry hope and faith that this too shall pass. A new day. Each day is a new day and it has the potential to be better than the last, and it also gives us another day creating forever memories with you all.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
A new day
So much going on inside my little brain lately. I believe our life is good. I really do. I believe we are blessed beyond measure. I could fill up a pool with tiny papers with all our blessings written inside .For that I am beyond grateful, and I make sure to focus on this every day, and every night. With that all said, and with it all being true, I am ready to kick cancer's ass for him! I am aware that if it was not this trial, it would be another. We are all down here experiencing trials, one after another usually. This is why it is so important to focus on all of the blessings and love we do have, otherwise our trials can consume us and take right over. By stressing, throwing fits, being angry, etc it will only change your life in a negative way. It will not get rid of your trial, it will only make it harder for you to face. So many people focus on the negative. I am happy that naturally I do not do that. With all this being said, I am still so ready to murder cancer in it's face. I hate it, is an understatement. It has certainly been taking it's toll on my family. It has been 14 long months since the diagnosis. Such a long time to be fighting, such a long time to be sick. However, I know It could be worse. He knows it could be worse. That sentence sure does bring comfort, but it doesn't mean it isn't hard. It is hard watching the man you love struggle through this disease. It is hard watching him hurt so bad and there is nothing you can do. It is hard seeing him lay in bed and missing out on everyday living. It is hard watching him be denied his favorite foods. It is hard seeing life around him go on like usual. It is hard seeing the pain in his face. It is hard not being able to open up to each other because we need to be strong for each other. It is hard! Did I mention it is hard? One of the hardest things is when I see the guilt he has for being sick. I hate for him to feel like he is holding us back, slowing us down, or letting us down. He is doing NONE of that!! We all know what he would rather be doing than fighting cancer, but his calling right now is to fight it. So, that is what we want him to do. He is teaching us many lessons while he does this also. His attitude has been so strong, he makes me so proud of him. I could not fight as hard as he does. He has been having a harder time mentally, which has got to be normal. He has been strong for so long. I think he needs to have a big I HATE CANCER party, and get it ALL out. . It will only refill his cup and help him be ready to continue the fight. How do I throw an I HATE CANCER party? I want to do it! .....Heidi? :) I am in a mood! Last week Rich got on the scale and he is at his all time low, 158 pounds. When I heard this I cried. That is way too low! It made me feel like he is getting sicker. Luckily, this passed. Later that evening I realized it isn't that he is getting sicker, or even weaker. He is being denied so much food and he (we) haven't found that healthy balance of foods he can eat. Plus, a lot of days he has spent in bed and doesn't wake up to eat. I am going to pull the NURSE card a little more and make him eat. :) Breakfast in bed, who doesn't love that. Yesterday I sent Averi up with Tuna and wheat chips. He woke up, and ate. :) I will get him fat!! The 4th of July was a nice one. H e did not have much strength or energy but we went to his friends annual BBQ. It was awesome to watch them dedicate it to another family fighting a similar battle. Breast Cancer. You may remember me writing about the BBQ last year where his friends made him feel so loved, and supported. I know the love this family had to be feeling. They take the rib contest pretty serious there, it is great to watch. On one of the canopies said T Bone Strong. :) It is those things that stay with both of us during our trials. :) We didn't stay too long, but it was nice to get out together and for him to see some familiar faces. Later that night we watched fire works with my neighbor, and my niece. You can see Riverdale Fire Works from our yard, and from a little pond area a block or so away. We went there, and watched. It was fun.. Then yesterday Rich had a GREAT day, I was so happy. He has had a harder 6 weeks and he really needed a normal feeling day. He went with me to get Keaton's Happy BiRtHdAy present, and then we went to Wal Mart and Sams. He did great! He followed Averi in the car while she ran a mile and a half. It was cute, he was being her little trainer. She has to do it for soccer. A few years back when he was running she would follow him on her bike and chant out, You gotta want it loverboy (haha) and a few other things. He returned the favor last night. Pretty silly. Then he was graced with a night from hell. His pain kicked in around 11 and went STRONG all night long. He took his muscle relaxer, pain meds, muscle rub, ice packs, etc. Nothing worked. He was so tired. I hate nights like that. The pain hits when he is trying to lay down and sleep. Makes me wonder if we should invest in a nice recliner. I will do anything to help him get some pain relief. It is awful. :( Today is a NEW day, and for that we are grateful! Even if I am whining about our trials. (PS, my enter is broken on my laptop so I hope you enjoyed my long paragraph) Have a great day! And please know that even though this trial is hard for my family we are doing well. We are aware of our blessings and count them everyday. We are excited for Keaton's happy 18th birthday tomorrow, and Averi's 11th in a few weeks. Our kids are our world. We are grateful for their health and humor. They can make our hard days, better days. They are hanging in there as well. They keep busy like normal kids. ....They worry, but understand. We all carry hope and faith that this too shall pass. A new day. Each day is a new day and it has the potential to be better than the last, and it also gives us another day creating forever memories with you all.
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