Saturday, March 23rd.

   Been a very busy 'soccer' day today. Lots of fun! I enjoy watching my kids play sports! While I was out on the field watching my daughter play, laugh, and enjoying the simplicity, a family laid their mom/wife to rest. Jennie's funeral was today and I can't help but cry for her, and her family. My heart is so sad for them. I can't imagine leaving this earth while my kids are still young, and need me. Her five Little's need her here... I can't imagine how they even begin to process this. As for her hubby, I don't even know what to say... The world lost an amazing lady, and I wasn't even in her everyday life. . Just the piece of friendship I had from her was valued. I actually looked up to her, her strength and courage was inspiring. I remember hearing her story, and comparing my story to hers at times. I remember thinking, Jennie can do it. She is raising her kids with lung cancer, I can raise mine while watching my husband endure pancreatic cancer. She reinforced in my mind, that we all really can do hard things. She looked healthy to me (when I saw her) and strong. That gave me hope in my own situation. I realized life can go on with cancer. A piece of me is feels as though that is gone now. Cancer took her. I cry knowing that cancer can take my husband too. No one knows how long we will have in this life, but being sick puts it in your face and makes me aware of mortality more and more everyday.Today Rich has been out of bed long enough to watch one out of four of Averi's soccer games. Not a great health day. I hate seeing him sick. HATE! ...............................

BUT then I remember... Jennie is with Heavenly Father, and she will forever guide her babies from heaven. I truly believe that. I believe that her family is broken, but will heal again. They have such strong faith, & that will pull them through. I believe they will be together again. I also believe that we have angels here on earth and I believe her family will be loved, supported, and will be OK. I also believe that my family will be OK too! I believe that my husband will fight with everything he has, and I have a very strong feeling that his cancer will go into remission. I believe that Heavenly Father knows our story, and is with us each day. When I let my frustration, or sadness creep in, I make sure it doesn't stay long. I am positive. I know how blessed we are. Today he is sick, but tomorrow will be better. I love his attitude. He speaks of retirement and where we are moving, (even though we aren't) and how he is going to go to Culinary school, etc. His attitude is WONDERFUL, and inspiring. I believe in taking one day at a time. I learned from him that we don't focus our lives around cancer. We live. We do. We can. We're not angry. We don't take moments for granted. When we do feel sadness, we let ourselves feel it, brush off our pants and go forward. Cancer is not the center of our home. It never will be.

Cancer can not invade the soul
suppress memories
kill friendship
destroy peace
conquer the spirit
shatter hope
cripple love
corrode faith
silence courage
or steal ETERNAL LIFE.

I love my husband and believe he will continue to fight his battle the best he can. I thank you for your prayers, love, and support. Life is hard, but life is good. We enjoy the simple blessing everyday, and count them one by one. We are truly a very, VERY blessed family. For those of you that have struggles, hang in there... You are not alone. Don't be angry at the hand you have been dealt, because some one out there has been dealt an even harder hand. Be grateful. Prayerful. Positive. I am.

MOM! Stop crying yourself to sleep at night. My family is strong, we laugh, play, and enjoy eachother. You need to focus on that! :) And next time put the scarf on Rich... haha! He isn't as tough as he pretends to be. You could take him!